Optomism in the face of reality

I’ve heard this quote before and always find it to be so telling. People often say “look at the bright side.” Like that somehow makes that situation less bad. I understand that being negative or focusing on the problems in our lives is not a healthy way to live. But there are some situations that barley have a bright side. In fact, they’re so dark what little light you see could be mistaking as a mirage.

BUT, I am trying to lighten up my blog. I had originally set out to make a motivational outlet, not a venting platform. And unfortunately I have falling back into old habits. So from now on I want my posts to be positive and encouraging. Something you read and feel better after doing so. I feel that is an obtainable goal.

My reality is not so bad, just your normal life experiences most anyone faces. But yet my brain can make it out to be the worst thing EVER. And someone once pointed out to me that it may very well be the worst thing ever to ME and that is something to keep in mind. Just because another person’s situation, by definition, is substantially worse than yours does not mean that what you’re going thru is not as bad to you or even worse. Because we cannot fully understand each others life experiences unless we’ve lived them ourselves it is hard to compare. And even then, if you had the exact same situation, each individual will feel it differently. Because EVERYONE is unique from head to toe.

I try to keep that in perspective while I’m dealing with my life experiences. I also try to remember how lucky I am. YES, there are many things I WANT to have and do. Who doesn’t? But I do not necessarily NEED anything. And if I do, I can make it happen. The world is, quite frankly, at my finger tips. It’s quite disappointing that I don’t utilize my situation more effectively. There are so many peeps out there that could and would make much more out of my situation than I am currently doing. And some how, even though I realize this, I still don’t take those next steps. At least not by leaps and bounds. I suppose I do take very miniscule baby steps. The not so noticeable steps that can only be seen after a long span of time. I MUST give myself credit for the strides that I have made. Whether large or small.

So what now you ask? What can I do to begin the next phase? Well, that is where I’m stuck. I am completely filled with fear and negativity so I cannot fathom what could propel me into the next chapter I SO wish to be in. If I am to be completely honest with myself I know that I must face my fears. THAT is how I can break down this wall. THAT and that alone is how I will be able to fight this monster inside of me who controls my courage. Why can’t I try things and succeed or fail like everyone else? Why can’t I fail? It wouldn’t be the end of my existence as I know. Yet it feels like the worst possible thing EVER?

I CAN DO IT! This is a mantra that I need develop. I need to believe in myself. I need to find passion! I need to find my purpose on this earth. Then I will no longer be afraid because I will understand what it is I need to do. Right now I am so lost fear is a natural emotion. Everyone is fearful when they cannot see what is in front of them, when they do not know if they are going to smash into a wall. This may be the biggest challenge I have faced yet. My instincts are to run away. That is what has been holding me back from facing what is going on right now. I’m clouding my mind with dreams of running away from the issue and focusing on NOT being able to do that. Instead I need to focus that energy on what I CAN do right NOW to make this situation better.

I see it. I see the path I should be on. But I still don’t see how I can get there. I’m too afraid of change. Afraid of failure. Afraid of rejection. I feel numb and useless.

But I WILL do it. Because I have to. I will find a way. I will succeed. I will be eternally happy. One way or another. No matter my reality.

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