At a time in my life when only negative thoughts came to mind I had to deactivate my Facebook account. During social gatherings I actually had more than one person ask me if I was okay. They blamed my Facebook posts for their concern. They sad all my posts had been very sad and they were worried about me. In that moment I realized how others were viewing me and I knew I had to put an end to it.
After some time passed, and actually my dad requested I reactivate my account, I turned it back on. At first I did well with occasional posts and only checking in when I had free time. But that soon manifested in a need for interaction with others to fulfill my need for reassurance. It was like a child during class vying for the teachers attention. I would actually be sad and disappointed if no one liked my post, commented on my photo or sent me a message.
Now I’ve graduated the social network academy and use a multitude of sites to fulfill my needs. Instead of putting all my eggs in one basket I spread them around. The odds are much better that way. Instagram is any easy fix. People are more likely to like your picture than they are to read your entire post on Facebook. And Facebook is personal, only your friends know you there. On other sites you can be more incognito if you want to be. I find that liberating. I’m far to scared of failure or rejection to actually put my name on something.
I never imagined I had anything to say that other people would actually enjoy reading. But I started a blog anyway. It became a place where I could share those negative thoughts that had got me in the hot seat on Facebook. No one knew who I was so when I said terribly sad things there was no one to feel sorry for. It was very therapeutic. But as time went on my need for that outlet slowly diminished. Let’s say I grew up, grew out of that phase. But I still felt I had a voice that I needed people to hear (from behind the safety of a computer of course.)
My number one love language is words of affirmation. I’m constantly feeding off the acknowledgment of others. Its who I am and there is nothing wrong with it. But it can be hard to satisfy my hunger. I can be a bit needy and overly sensitive. I wonder if anyone else has these same obstacles. I mean with all the internet connections and lack of social interactions I have to assume that this is happening fairly commonly. Is our society so dependent on others that we will fail to make anything of ourselves? That’s what I worry about. That I will never amount to anything because no one will ever be there to tell me I have.